Tonight, on "The Dukes"

In which the Dukes pull off a non-robbery… First off, I want to apologize for the lateness of this post. I’ll try not to make a habit of it. We open with a car parking in front of the Hazzard County courthouse. A guy gets out and starts trimming the hedges, looking nervous while doing so. Rosco pulls up to the sign near this guy’s car and removes a piece of tape from it, revealing that the “Parking” sign was really a “No Parking sign  all along! Hedgeman dons a ski mask and rushes into Boss’ office, where he’s counting out illegal moonshine money. He demands Boss fill a sack with the money and runs off, only to find his car has been towed. Panicking, he jumps into a passing General Lee, which Boss sees, and thus assumes the robber was Bo, as Luke is driving. Boss tells Rosco to arrest the Dukes, because of course he does. The robber kicks Bo and Luke out of the General Lee and is quickly pursued by a police car, so he pulls into the Boar’s Nest and quickly stashes the money...

In which a girl enters a derby, and Luke falls in love… At the Boar’s Nest, the Balladeer tells us about the Annual Hazzard Obstacle Derby, a super dirty, super illegal race, but not so illegal that it doesn’t have the full sponsorship of the police force and county commissioner. Cooter bursts through the door on a motorcycle, wearing his beloved “Dukes of Hazzard Crew” jacket, and looking like an honest-to-goodness crazy person. He’s arrived with the race’s trophy in tow, which means that Rosco can announce the lineup for the race, but first he tells Cooter to get the goddamned motorcycle out of the bar; Cooter responds by basically throwing the bike outside. Rosco finally get around to announcing the racers: Enos, Cooter, Luke, and Amy Creavy, a girl! Many a joke is made about how girls can’t race, and Luke introduces himself. They are then introduced to Frankie, Amy’s mechanic, who is also female, and in possession of a pretty hilarious voice: she talks like she’s got a wa...

In which the Dukes get an ice cream truck, and the mystery of the house’s plumbing is solved… Before we get going properly, I’d like to point out that this is the episode where filming moved from on location rural Georgia to Burbank, California. From now on, it will be perpetually summer, and always daytime. Bo and Luke are practicing archery by shooting at the outhouse door, which lends credence to my whole “they don’t have indoor plumbing” theory. Bo accidentally fires a live dynamite arrow, blowing up the outhouse. Luke throws a fit about Bo destroying his car magazines, and is interrupted by the arrival of Swamp Molly, an old friend of Uncle Jesse’s. Luke says she only comes around when she wants something, and Jesse tells him to shut it, as Molly saved him from the Feds some 43 years prior. Molly’s cousin, Alice, has also arrived, and starts making advances toward Bo, which he narrowly avoids. Molly offers up a green tomato pie to Jesse, and he tells her that Bo and Luke ...

In which the Dukes attempt to solve the 1970s energy crisis, and very nearly succeed… Bo and Luke arrive at the courthouse, meeting Uncle Jesse, as they are late for their quarterly probation meeting. On the way in, Luke notices a poster for a contest offering a $20,000 prize if you can come up with an alternative to fossil fuel. Bo suggests that they enter, and Luke’s all like “screw you, Bo, we can’t come up with anything, especially you! Dingus.” When they get upstairs, they are informed that their usual officer, Agent Roach, has been promoted out of Hazzard, and that Roxanne Huntley has taken his place. She’s a real no-nonsense sort, and is shocked to learn that the ATF has made a deal with the Dukes: if they all stopped making moonshine, the boys would get probation. This seems fairly simplistic: BO AND LUKE: Oh please, mister revenuer, we PROMISE to stop making ‘shine! Don’t send us off to prison! REVENUER: Ohhh, I suppose so! But you’ll be getting a harsh probation! No f...