In which there’s not really any gold at all…
Bo and Luke are high tailing it to catch up with an RV camper, with Uncle Jesse in tow. Jesse’s got a sore tooth, and the RV contains their dentist, who drives it around as his mobile office. This is pretty hard to believe, but apparently, it has happened at least once.
Anyway, Jesse has a cavity, and the doctor is on his way to an appointment elsewhere, so he gives Jesse a bunch of pain pills and says he’ll check it out when he comes back into town. They drive away, and are nearly run off the road by what everyone is calling a limousine, but I’m not convinced.
Everyone gets out of their respective vehicles and whips their dicks out over who caused the accident, but then a guy gets out of the car and calms everyone down by offering to pay for all the damage. His is a Rich Texan, and transporting some mysterious cargo through Hazzard. His goons get all like “wait, what about the cargo?!” something that Bo and Luke would have known nothing about if they hadn’t mentioned it first thing like that. And Uncle Jesse? Well, he’s too high on pain pills to even know what’s going on.
They direct him over to Cooter’s, who tells them that the axle is broken, and they’ll need to stay in town until it’s fixed. The Rich Texan then asks to be shown the bank, where he meets with Boss Hogg, asking to use the bank’s vault for a night, as he needs to store the three million dollars in gold bars he’s brought with him, offering up $25,000 for the trouble. Boss quickly accepts. Before he leaves, the Rich Texan makes Boss sign a promissory note guaranteeing Boss will pay the three million if anything happens to the Rich Texan's money.
Boss wonders why the Dukes, who he refers to as his “sworn enemies,” would do Boss such a mitzvah by sending the Rich Texan his way. He quickly concludes that the Dukes have set up the whole scheme, and are planning on robbing the bank. He sends Rosco to arrest them until the Texans leave town.
Rosco heads over to the Duke farm, and yells at them through a megaphone about how they’re under arrest for running the limo off the road. Jesse pipes up and says he saw the whole thing, and the Texans caused the accident. Now Jesse, we all know you were hopped up on goofballs, you probably didn’t even think they were real.
At the bank, Boss sets up in front of the vault to guard the gold himself until the next morning. The Rich Texan reminds Boss that he offered to take him to lunch, and wants to discuss the possibility of Boss handling all his banking. Boss, smelling potential money, leaves Rosco and Enos to help guard the gold.
Meanwhile, Bo and Luke are running around town via the rooftops, and decide to literally drop in on Cooter, who tells them that the axle had been sawed just about in half, and the accident caused it to snap, i.e., it was on purpose. They take off and head to the Boars Nest, where Boss is wining and dining the Rich Texan. He’s even dressed Daisy in some sort of French maid outfit!
Rosco radios over to Boss and tells him the Dukes got away. Boss is understandably pissed, and tells Rosco to get the fuck back to the bank. The Dukes overhear this, and head toward the bank themselves. Boss and the Texan get to the bank to find the guards knocked out, and the gold gone. Bo and Luke arrive just in time to be shot at by the Texan.
They don’t get shot, and drive away, the police in tow. They get a radio from Uncle Jesse, who tells them to drop in on Cooter, who has some info for them. They do so, again literally, and he telsl them he’s got a list of stolen cars, and the Texan’s car matches one on the list. They look out the door and see the Texan’s goons leaving town, so they follow them to a spot outside of town where they dump the gold.Bo and Luke overhear the goons converse a bunch of exposition to each other about how great their scheme is going, while burying the gold.
Luke figures out that this is all a fraud game to bilk Boss out of three million dollars, while Bo wonders why they’d leave that much gold just laying around. Luke takes a pocketknife to one of the bars and scrapes it, revealing that the gold is just painted lead. They drive back toward town to tell Boss the situation,. Rosco pulls them over and won’t listen to their protests. and arrests them.
At the bank, Boss is freaking the fuck out, as he doesn’t have three million dollars, and the Rich Texan thrusts the promissory note at him, saying it’ll hold up in court, so give him the damn money. Boss asks if $100,000 will do, and the Rich Texan agrees, calling it a down payment.
Outside, everyone meets up, and Rosco hands over the gold bars, causing the Texan and Co. to shoot out the cop car’s tires and run off with the money. Jesse and Daisy pull up and everyone gives chase to the the swindlers.
The swindlers shoot out Daisy’s car tires, and just then, the dentist drives by in his RV. They commandeer it, and use his sterilizing alcohol to fashion Molotov cocktails, eventually hitting the swindlers’ car with it.
So the Rich Texan and friends get arrested, and Boss is so grateful, he offers to pay all of Jesse’s dental bills. They take him up on it, and get a bunch of non-cavity related work done, including some gold inlays.
Bo and Luke are high tailing it to catch up with an RV camper, with Uncle Jesse in tow. Jesse’s got a sore tooth, and the RV contains their dentist, who drives it around as his mobile office. This is pretty hard to believe, but apparently, it has happened at least once.
Anyway, Jesse has a cavity, and the doctor is on his way to an appointment elsewhere, so he gives Jesse a bunch of pain pills and says he’ll check it out when he comes back into town. They drive away, and are nearly run off the road by what everyone is calling a limousine, but I’m not convinced.
Everyone gets out of their respective vehicles and whips their dicks out over who caused the accident, but then a guy gets out of the car and calms everyone down by offering to pay for all the damage. His is a Rich Texan, and transporting some mysterious cargo through Hazzard. His goons get all like “wait, what about the cargo?!” something that Bo and Luke would have known nothing about if they hadn’t mentioned it first thing like that. And Uncle Jesse? Well, he’s too high on pain pills to even know what’s going on.
They direct him over to Cooter’s, who tells them that the axle is broken, and they’ll need to stay in town until it’s fixed. The Rich Texan then asks to be shown the bank, where he meets with Boss Hogg, asking to use the bank’s vault for a night, as he needs to store the three million dollars in gold bars he’s brought with him, offering up $25,000 for the trouble. Boss quickly accepts. Before he leaves, the Rich Texan makes Boss sign a promissory note guaranteeing Boss will pay the three million if anything happens to the Rich Texan's money.
Rosco heads over to the Duke farm, and yells at them through a megaphone about how they’re under arrest for running the limo off the road. Jesse pipes up and says he saw the whole thing, and the Texans caused the accident. Now Jesse, we all know you were hopped up on goofballs, you probably didn’t even think they were real.
At the bank, Boss sets up in front of the vault to guard the gold himself until the next morning. The Rich Texan reminds Boss that he offered to take him to lunch, and wants to discuss the possibility of Boss handling all his banking. Boss, smelling potential money, leaves Rosco and Enos to help guard the gold.
Meanwhile, Bo and Luke are running around town via the rooftops, and decide to literally drop in on Cooter, who tells them that the axle had been sawed just about in half, and the accident caused it to snap, i.e., it was on purpose. They take off and head to the Boars Nest, where Boss is wining and dining the Rich Texan. He’s even dressed Daisy in some sort of French maid outfit!
Rosco radios over to Boss and tells him the Dukes got away. Boss is understandably pissed, and tells Rosco to get the fuck back to the bank. The Dukes overhear this, and head toward the bank themselves. Boss and the Texan get to the bank to find the guards knocked out, and the gold gone. Bo and Luke arrive just in time to be shot at by the Texan.
They don’t get shot, and drive away, the police in tow. They get a radio from Uncle Jesse, who tells them to drop in on Cooter, who has some info for them. They do so, again literally, and he telsl them he’s got a list of stolen cars, and the Texan’s car matches one on the list. They look out the door and see the Texan’s goons leaving town, so they follow them to a spot outside of town where they dump the gold.Bo and Luke overhear the goons converse a bunch of exposition to each other about how great their scheme is going, while burying the gold.
Luke figures out that this is all a fraud game to bilk Boss out of three million dollars, while Bo wonders why they’d leave that much gold just laying around. Luke takes a pocketknife to one of the bars and scrapes it, revealing that the gold is just painted lead. They drive back toward town to tell Boss the situation,. Rosco pulls them over and won’t listen to their protests. and arrests them.
At the bank, Boss is freaking the fuck out, as he doesn’t have three million dollars, and the Rich Texan thrusts the promissory note at him, saying it’ll hold up in court, so give him the damn money. Boss asks if $100,000 will do, and the Rich Texan agrees, calling it a down payment.
Outside, everyone meets up, and Rosco hands over the gold bars, causing the Texan and Co. to shoot out the cop car’s tires and run off with the money. Jesse and Daisy pull up and everyone gives chase to the the swindlers.
The swindlers shoot out Daisy’s car tires, and just then, the dentist drives by in his RV. They commandeer it, and use his sterilizing alcohol to fashion Molotov cocktails, eventually hitting the swindlers’ car with it.
So the Rich Texan and friends get arrested, and Boss is so grateful, he offers to pay all of Jesse’s dental bills. They take him up on it, and get a bunch of non-cavity related work done, including some gold inlays.
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