Thursday, October 31, 2013

Happy Halloween

From all of us here at DoH reviewed (all of us? This is a one man operation, and I'm not even very good at it...), have a safe and happy Halloween, All Hallow's Eve, or Hallowe'en! Updates resume Saturday, November 2!
And yes, they are technically Star Wars Jedi Ghosts, but those are the only kinds of ghosts I can make.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Hey guys. I've been dealing with some pretty bad depression as of late, not to mention my hard drive dying on me. I apologize for the lack of updates, and I fully intend to get back on the horse ASAP. Thank you for your patience.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Season 2, Episode 4: “The Meeting” – Originally Aired 10-12-1979

In which Boss gets an offer he can’t refuse, but I really wish he would have…

Okay, here we go. Bo and Luke are driving along, only to be stopped by a crapload of sheep in the road. Bo mutters something about having never seen such hairy pigs, which is probably supposed to be funny, but it just makes him seem ignorant. Come on, Bo, you grew up and continue to live on a farm, surely you know the difference.

Meanwhile, Rosco lays in wait to catch them speeding with his new super fancy radar gun. He clocks them at 1/2 mile over the limit, and decides to try and ticket them, because he’s an asshole.

At the Boars Nest, Boss takes a meeting with an old acquaintance, Black Jack Bender, whom he knows from back in his moonshiner days. This guy keeps calling Boss “Curly,” and I can’t decide if it’s a play on the fact that he’s bald, or a Three Stooges reference.

So the chase ends with Rosco’s car almost completely submerged in the water, and he’s soaked through.with no Jedi kid or weird-speaking Muppet to help get him out, either.
Boss and Bender are eating lunch, and Bender is catching Boss up on what he does now, as he apparently got out of the mob scene some time ago. He refers to himself as “the purveyor of recreational paraphernalia to the younger generation,” to which my first thought was “Holy shit, he’s selling bongs and crack pipes!” but then he clarifies that he’s in the toy business. He then tells Boss that he needs a place where he and his associates can meet to discuss his new toy design, fearing industrial spies, and offering $10,000 for Boss’s trouble. Boss says “fuck yes!” and offers up the county jailhouse.

Bo and Luke continue their driving, and come across Bender and his gang stalled out on the side of the road, or rather, they see this as they pass over mid jump.

Bender, impressed with the boys’ driving, offers them $100 to take him to the jail, and Luke stays behind to help fix the car. Back in town, Bo, Luke and Cooter watch as a bunch of limousines pull up to the jail, and a bunch of guys who look suspiciously like gangsters get out.

Boss is paying Cooter to store the limos overnight, and, after parking one, decides to root around inside, because why not? He finds a gun, and tells Bo and Luke, who proceed to PUT THEIR HANDS ALL OVER IT.

So, not content to let sleeping dogs lie, they search through the other cars and find a whole bunch more guns. For some reason, they get Daisy and Uncle Jesse over there to come have a look, and then they all decide that they should butt in and put a stop to whatever shenanigans are afoot. Why they feel the need to do this is beyond me, and they don’t offer up any real reason to, other than some half-hearted “those guns are illegal and people could get hurt” talk from Jesse.

Inside the police station, a much less interesting version of a scene from The Godfather takes place, during which the gathered crime bosses bitch about their sons taking control and phasing them out of their respective businesses. Daisy tries to get inside, claiming to be Cletus’s girlfriend, but the guy at the door says he’s out to breakfast, and shoos her away. I bet he didn’t believe her story for a second; like Cletus could ever get with Daisy.

At the Boars Nest, Bo and Luke start a fight with each other in an attempt to get arrested, and when Rosco tries to break it up, Bo punches Rosco in the face!

Rosco is understandably upset, and makes to arrest them, but Boss comes in and tells Rosco to forget about it, and says the jail is being fumigated. He then tells Daisy to send a bunch of meals over to the jail, specifically meals of catfish and champagne, which is the worst combination I’ve heard of since Nuts and Gum.

So, Daisy and Cooter deliver the food to the jail, with Bo and Luke hidden under the tablecloths covering the carts. Once inside, they blow their cover by MOVING THE CARTS ALONG WITH THEIR HANDS. Oh my god, you guys, this is ridiculous.

After some arguing, Bender gives Bo the kiss of death, and they are shuffled out the door to what they presume to be their demise. Cooter tows their limo away, and craziness ensues, and Bo and Luke get away, climbing up onto the roof of a building and eventually getting to Cooter’s Garage. Inside, they use the phone to try and get ahold of the FBI. They hear an explosion and run over to the phone company, which has been hit by the mob so they can’t contact the feds.

Meanwhile, the boys have gotten the General back and are being pursued by some of the goons, while Bender keeps track of everything via a map and…I don’t know, matchbox cars pinned to the map? Why wouldn’t they just use regular pins? And where did they get the little General Lee replica?

Boss reminds Bender about owing him the other half of the $10,000, saying he doesn’t want them to feel bad for welshing, and they get all upset, rushing forward in unison like an old time comedy bit. Is welshing derived from Welsh people, and is it some sort of stereotype that they don’t pay their debts? I’ve never heard of it if that’s true.

The boys meet up with Jesse, Daisy, and Cooter and make a plan, which basically boils down to Daisy causing a distraction by pretending to skinny dip, and the pervs keeping watch will go look instead of doing their job.

When they go to peep, Daisy runs back, fully clothed, and Cooter runs down by the pond brandishing a board, which I’m assuming he uses to beat the henchmen to death.

After some more antics, all the henchmen are rounded up, and Uncle Jesse moves in to take care of the leaders. Way to have an old man fight your battles that you instigated for no reason, Bo and Luke! Everyone takes off to follow Jesse, who they presume is leading them to the boys. There’s more car chases, including another Duke specialty of chasing everyone around in a circle!

Eventually, there’s a standoff in the jailhouse, and the mob guys argue over the best way to kill Bo and Luke, and Cletus drops a net on them! Why was there a net hanging in the jailhouse?

So, the mob guys all get arrested and the episode is finally over! Jesus Christ, you guys, this was terrible.  I don’t know how many more of these sub-standard, even by Dukes of Hazzard measure, I can take. But hey, next week is about stolen TVs, so I should be able to mine some yucks out of that, right?