Saturday, June 29, 2013

Season 1, Episode 4: "Repo Men" -- Originally Aired 02-16-1979

In which the boys become the titular repo men, and the counterfeiters are inconsequential... 

Boss Hogg and his wife Lulu are at the dealership of Ace Parker, the only used car salesman in Hazzard County, to claim a Rolls-Royce car (it appears to be a Phantom V) for Lulu's upcoming birthday, only to find that Ace has just sold it out from under them. Bo an Luke are driving by and stop, spotting a car that Ricard Petty used, and wrecked, while filming a series of tire commercials. They open the hood to find that it has a super fancy engine in it, and decide to buy it to put in their car to win an upcoming race.


I'm pretty sure this is just a painted over General Lee.

Inside, the Hoggs demand that Ace get them the car back, and we find out that Lulu made Boss give Rosco the position of Sheriff so he would "have a safe job." Now, I could be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure that there are far safer jobs than police officer, no matter how small the town. Anyway, Ace demands $700, and Luke counters with $200. Ace agrees to the $200 if the boys will go repossess the Rolls. They leave, and Ace meets Boss outside, who gives him car titles to go with the cars on Ace's lot, which are stolen. He mentions he will need a registration for the car he just sold the Dukes, and Boss tells him that since the car doesn't have a title, it's pretty much considered stolen. He an Ace share a laugh over the boys breaking their probation. AGAIN.
 

Rosco is reluctant to slap trumped up charges against the boys, and Boss makes another reference to Rosco's punishment for disobeying (he first made it in Episode 2, I think): being "the night rent-a-cop at the drive-in deli on Frontage Road." So far as I can tell, there is no trace of such a place on Frontage Road in 2013-era Atlanta. There IS, however, a place called Dinette World. They sell furniture.

And bar stools!

Bo and Luke are dropped off where the car is at, and make to put the repossession papers on the front door, when it's revealed that the people who bought the car are counterfeiters, and they unleash a HUGE FUCKING DOG.The boys escape, and go back to exact revenge on Ace Parker. Bo shoots out the tires of the car Ace has locked himself into, while Luke threatens to cut the car in half with a chainsaw. He offers to sell them the car for $200 as a way to make it up to them.They come pick it up, and Ace lets Boss know, who tells Rosco to get ready to bust the Dukes, and yells at him about using CB lingo yet again.

Hail to the King, baby!

Enos has even more misgivings about the phony charges, and Rosco bitches about his pension, yet again. At this point I feel like I should mention that this episode feels like a pilot episode: We were introduced to the Dukes again (I believe the Balladeer's introducing the Duke boys was recycled from the real pilot), and everything seems to be, to Daisy and Jesse, and everything seems very fresh. I wonder if this was filmed first as the intended pilot but was held over, thinking that One Armed Bandits was stronger? It isn't. Non-entity counterfeiters aside, this is a much better paced episode.

The boys realize that are being chased for no reason, as they paid for the car, and stop, where Rosco proceeds to bust them, despite Cooter (who was riding with them) calling shenanigans on the whole deal. Luke says they have the right to a lawyer, and that Uncle Jesse will do in a pinch. If they had let the Miranda reading continue, they would have learned they have a right to a free lawyer, but hey, if they want their uncle to do it, go ahead.

Jesse advises them against going to trial on account of every judge being in Boss' pocket, and that getting a jury would be suicide, as the jury is likely to be made up of the parents of every girl the boys have been pussy-hounding after since they realized their dicks were for more than pissing with, and would likely convict them. Boss meets up with the Dukes in the town square, and says he will convince Ace to drop the charges if they will get back the Rolls.


Hey! The counterfeiters are back! They remain convinced that Bo and Luke are after their car, set an alarm in their garage, and shoot a barrel of water before being quickly shuffled offscreen again.

Take THAT, barrel!

Back at the farm, Daisy is hanging laundry in the kitchen, and Enos shows up, looking to tell Jesse about the frame-up. She tries to get him to tell her, but he is reluctant, as it is "man-talk," and she's just a girl! Why she'd die of fright if she ever heard anything even remotely unpleasant! I declare! She flashes what I assume are her panties at him, and he spills his guts, that the car isn't being repossessed for Ace, but for Boss to give to LuLu, and that Rosco is framing them. Later, Daisy tells Bo and Luke the details. Luke's all like "well, we can't beat this without help. Let's ask Cooter!"

They find Cooter at the junkyard, crushing cars into cubes. I thought he was just a mechanic, but maybe he does this as a hobby in his spare time. They borrow his welding rig and proceed to weld some giant spikes to the side of a truck, which is all part of their usual plan of "cause untold amounts of collateral damage to prove a point/save our asses." They also grab one of their dogs, who is in heat.


Yikes.

After arriving at the counterfeiter's place and wafting their dog's vagina in the breeze, the counterfeiter's dog comes running and goes off to mate with her, leaving Luke and Cooter to cut through the fence unharmed. Meanwhile, one of the counterfeiters, who, at the 33-minute mark, finally gets a name (Big John), and hides the counterfeit bill plates inside the Rolls. After he leaves, Luke and Cooter take the car, setting the alarm off, alerting the crooks, who give chase. Big John gets to the gate and, seeing Bo has locked it, solves his problem the way he solves them all: with a rifle.


Bo uses the spikey truck to rip one of the counterfeiter's cars to pieces while he's driving it. I know that Jesse said that Dukes revenge on property, not people, but couldn't Bo easily kill this guy, even accidentally? Remember, Bo, it's all fun and games until someone gets a spike through the chest! Big John makes to fire his rifle, but Bo swerves into him, causing him to fall out of the car and roll downhill. He doesn't die, but he COULD have!

Even more than Spider-Man?

Bo and Luke, satisfied with their destruction, go to take the car back to Cooter, where Rosco and Enos bust them for transporting the Rolls without papers. Bo and Luke say that a dog ate them, and even Enos is like "That's fucking ridiculous!" Bo and Luke swear by it, and then Rosco and Enos leave.

So, they walk back to the farm, and Luke tells Uncle Jesse the plot of the episode up to this point and makes me die inside, as I could have just started my review right here. He does refer to the counterfeiters as "nine foot giant and friends," which is pretty great. Uncle Jesse asks if the boys feel like fighting dirty, which apparently different than their Collateral Damage Plan.


The next morning, everyone but Daisy  meets up at the car dealership: Boss and Lulu to pick up the Rolls, the Dukes are there to watch, and the counterfeiters to get their car back, as it has the plates. The Dukes leave as Ace open the door, to reveal all his cars have been crushed into cubes, including the Rolls. Lulu demands Boss get her a new one, and Rosco sees the remains of the plates in the Rolls cube, and gives the crooks 30 minutes to leave Hazzard, or he'll call the FBI. I'm hoping that on their way back to wherever, the counterfeiters were busted by McQuade and Goon (see Episode 3), who I've decided were actually undercover cops.

Friday, June 21, 2013

Season 1, Episode 3: "Mary Kaye's Baby" -- Originally Aired 02-09-1979

In which the boys accidentally transport moonshine, a pregnant woman steals some money, and not a whole lot else happens...

We open on a blue sedan being chased by the police, and surprise, Bo and Luke are driving it, because god forbid they go one day without risking their probation. Bo almost runs down a horse cart, and they narrowly avoid Rosco. Boss calls Rosco on the C.B. and tells him to get his ass to the Boar's Nest, and then yells at Rosco for using C.B. lingo, despite, you know, calling him on one and all.

Rosco turns the chase over to Enos, who does an admirable job of trying to keep up, matching them jump for jump. Luke discovers moonshine in the backseat, and then this weird thing happens where the Balladeer says "Moonshine," Luke says "Moonshine," and then the Balladeer says "Moonshine" again.
So, what was it called again?
Luke starts throwing the jugs out the window where they smash open on the road. They drive over a bridge where a guy is camping on the riverbank. A jug gets tossed out, and scares the crap out of the guy when it lands and explodes in his firepit. He is soothed when he discovers an un-exploded bottle that landed near him in the river.

Luke flaunts the law yet again, throwing empty cardboard boxes out the window. That Crying Indian guy would be furious, and then sic that owl on him. I would totally watch a show where that happened. Alas, this is not that show.
They will cut you.
Turns out the car belongs to Cooter, who was supposed to be running the shine himself. Some friend he is! The boys come upon Mary Kaye Porter, who's been away from Hazzard for about nine months, as she is very pregnant. They pick her up and continue fleeing Enos. At the Boar's Nest, we learn that Boss is the one who hired Cooter to run the moonshine. Rosco tells him the Dukes have it, and Boss tells Rosco to arrest them.

The Dukes pull over and Mary Kaye tells them that no matter the circumstances, she's glad to be having a kid, as that kid could be president some day.

They stop at a gas station and decide they have to help her out, by giving her all the money they have, deciding to hide it in her suitcase. Opening it, they find that it has a ton of money in it already: $118,254.37, to be precise.
I'm pretty sure this is just play money,
Mary Kaye says she stole all that money from a gangster named McQuade, to raise her future kid with; breaking down the math before scarfing down pickled peaches (ew!) right there in the store, which apparently you can do in Hazzard. You know, now that I'm thinking about it, nobody paid for those peaches. She just cracked open the jar and started chowing down. Anyway, she tells how her boyfriend was arrested and McQuade didn't offer to help, so she took the money and ran. Luke is all "Well, you're fucked. He's gonna kill you and eat your baby!" She tells him to mind his business, and goes to take her leave of them, when she goes into labor.

Daisy and Uncle Jesse see Rosco pulling up tp the farm and put on this ridiculous audio drama about the boys being arrested for running moonshine, so Rosco thinks they're all in there. He rushes in, and Daisy says that they were "reminiscing about when the boys got caught moonshining two years ago." Isn't reminiscing a fond recollection? So, she was GLAD they were going away to prison? WTF, Daisy? Rosco sits down and decides to wait for Bo and Luke to return, revealing that there is also moonshine in the trunk. The phone rings, it's Cooter, asking where the boys are. Jesse makes a comment that makes Rosco think that the boys are with Cooter, and he runs off to nab them. God, this show drags in the middle of the episodes, every time. It's like they pitched an hour show and only came up with half an hour's worth of actual story, so they have to put in fifteen minutes worth of filler. I wonder if I should try and edit an episode down to the essentials and see what the run time ends up being.

The boys and Mary Kaye stall out on the road, and McQuade catches up to them. His goon makes to shoot Mary Kaye, and Bo manages to speed away, smashing off one of McQuade's car doors in the process.
Frick!
McQuade gives chase, and a desperate Bo reaches back to throw the suitcase full of money out, and Mary Kaye bites Bo's fucking arm. He wisely leaves the suitcase be.
Being pregnant certainly gives strange cravings.
The boys and Mary Kaye get to the farm, where Jesse determines that her baby's birth is emminent. He proceeds to birth the baby, having learned from his mom, the "best midwife in Hazzard County."
Jesse's mom?
Apparently midwifing in Hazzard involves getting the mom-to-be drunk, as Jesse pulls out a jar of moonshine that he has stashed. He makes her drink some and then washes his hands with it, followed by feeling her forehead , thus negating any sterilzation washing his hands accomplished.

McQuade and Goon arrive at the farm and immediately ambush Luke, who gets away by smashing a chicken egg in Goon's face! Don't worry Goon, you'll get him next time! The baby is born amidst the chaos. McQuade and Goon shoot up Cooter's car, causing moonshine to leak out. Jesse orders Bo and Luke to take on the crooks with bow and arrows, which seems like poor advice. There's a tense bit of cat and mouse, McQaude and Goon doing their best to look scared of the arrows. Boss Hogg pulls up and gives McQaude a lecture in the middle of the fight about how all the illegal shit Boss does never got anyone killed, but he won't stand for guns in his county, no sir!
It comes on after Polluter Payback!
Mary Kaye says she'd gladly give the money back, but can't remember where it was. Daisy says the money belongs to the baby now, so Mary Kaye can't give it away, as it's not hers. Technically, that's not true, it's still McQuades. but whatever she needs to tell herself to justify the theft. Meanwhile, Jesse makes dynamite arrows, which means something's getting destroyed.

The cops show up and exchange gunfire with Goon, who gets shot in the foot. Luke gets into a Mexican standoff with the McQuade and then the cops and Bo rush the scene, allowing Luke to blow up the car, moonshine and all. Bo says "Aw fuck, the money was in the car!" so everyone leaves. Daisy reveals that she had taken the money from the car without telling anyone, so the baby keeps the money.




Friday, June 14, 2013

Season 1, Episode 2: "Daisy's Song" -- Originally Aired 02-02-1979

In which Daisy publishes a song, the Dukes interfere with an FBI case, and the word "pirate" is used far too many times...

We open with Bo and Luke practicing archery in the Dukes' backyard. Jesse makes a cryptic remark about wild boars maybe being in the backyard, when Daisy comes flying out of the house, hollering about a song she wrote! Being sung by Jessi Colter! On the radio!

Everyone pretends to be impressed, then Bo asks how much they paid her. Daisy asks what he means, and Luke explains to her about royalties. Daisy then informs him that she found an ad in a magazine offering to publish a song for $50. Bo tells her that magazines sometimes run ads for fraudulent operations. Uncle Jesse thinks Daisy's been fucked over, and sends the kids to Atlanta to either get a royalty check or the $50 back. He tells them to go easy on the folks in the big city, as they don't know any better. I see what you did there, Uncle Jesse, you old rascal!

Daisy has as lifetime subscription.

Upon arrival, they are observed by a couple of FBI agents staking out the building. Bo and Luke make Daisy wait in the damn car, despite this really being her fight. They are let in to the back, and are introduced to Lester Starr, and his assistant/bodyguard JoJo. The boys explain the situation, but Starr isn't willing to give them anything. JoJo brandishes guns at Bo and Luke, and they head outside. They quickly decide to go back in, as Uncle Jesse will be furious if they don't complete the mission.

I have two guns, one for each of ya.

They try to sneak in, but Bo steps on something and alerts JoJo to their presence. He chases after them and walks in on Starr's secretary sitting in Boss Hogg's lap. This is gross for many reasons, but he's gotta be old enough to be her father. Ew.

Boss Hogg: Pervert.

Bo then punches the bodyguard out, taking the guy's guns, and he and Luke confront Starr. They again ask for the money back, and he again seems reluctant, probably because Luke is waving guns at him. JoJo bursts in and says the cops are raiding the joint.There is a series of madcap dashes to get out of the building, but eventually everyone escapes. Starr hides in the garbage, because he IS garbage. This is the first time we get to see Luke's famous hood slide, and it's clearly an accident. He looks very startled.

HEY, MOTHERFUCKER WHEEEE!

Bo smashes the General Lee through a police car blocking the path, and no one goes after them! Is everyone just awed by the coolness of the car or the hotness of Daisy or something? I don't understand how they're not in jail for reckless driving. One of the FBI agents laments that the Dukes are carrying evidence they need.

Boss Hogg narrowly escapes being caught (again, were cops just not so bright back then? "Aw hell, he turned down that side street! But we're already going down THIS street! I guess he's getting away, as we are apparently driving the goddamn Flintstones car and cannot possibly turn left!"), and licks his wounds at the Boar's Nest. He mentions that he doesn't want something like the raid to happen at the record pressing plant he's set up in Hazzard, and that he's hoping to use it to get in good with some Mafia-types.

Apparently the Atlanta PD's choice of transport in the late 1970s.

Back at the farm, the kids play the tape they ran off with for Uncle Jesse, who theorizes that it's probably stolen, and Luke makes the first reference to piracy, saying that you read about it all the time! What the fuck magazines do these people subscribe to?

I'm sure it was all the rage with the kids!

Bo suggests they go talk to Jessi Colter about it, as she will be in Atlanta that week. How he knows this is a mystery to me. Maybe he read it in one of the family's oddly specific magazines?

I'm cold and frightened.

Anyhow, they go to see Ms. Colter's manager, who informs them that Jessi never recorded the song, and that Lester Starr passes off sound-alike artists as the real deal. He then says that no one's ever caught him in the acts, and suggests the Dukes help, telling them where Starr going to be.

The boys decide to pass Daisy off as a superb sound-alike artist and take her to Starr's apartment. She goes up and he jizzes in his pants.

Ooooh...
Can't say as I blame him.

..Ahhhh.

She says she has a trick voice and can sound like a whole bunch of people, and plays the tape she brought from the manager guy. He is floored that she can sound like so many different artists (Jessi Colter, Loretta Lynn, and Donna Fargo, respectively), although they all sound pretty similar to me, in that 70s country sort of way.He immediately agrees to set up a recording session, and Daisy gets out before anything untoward happens.

Starr fills Boss in on the deal, and agrees to get Daisy to the record plant so Boss can hear her himself. Meanwhile, the FBI agents are tailing the Dukes, but they think that the agents are Starr's people. They lead the agents through a junkyard (maybe it's the same junkyard from the pilot, I don't really know, but how many places to put garbage does one rural area need?). where they quickly lose them.

Bo and Luke decide the only way to settle this once and for all is to blow up the record plant, which seems like quite a drastic reaction over the matter of $50, but maybe it's me. Boss tells Rosco to keep the law away when the Mafia is in town, and he nervously agrees. Turns out the FBI are in town getting things square about the raid, and tell Rosco that the Duke boys are involved with the piracy ring. Rosco tells Boss, who tells him to nail the Dukes if he sees them.

Next morning, Jesse tells them to make sure everyone's out of the plant before they blow it up, because blowing up property is A-OK, just as long as no one gets hurt! Bo and Luke head off for Phase I of the plan, leaving Daisy and Uncle Jesse to have a very nice little moment where he tells her how great her family thinks she is even if no one else thinks so.

It's actually very sweet.

Phase I consists of getting a motorhome full of prostitutes (run by Miss Mabel, the Mobile Madam! Alliteration FTW!) to provide distraction for Phase II, and there's a great exchange between Luke and one of his exes, who is now working as one of Mabel's girls:

LUKE: Ruby, what in the world are you doing working here?

RUBY: Honey, after goin' with you, this was a step up in the world.

She storms off.

LUKE: Still bitter, huh?

That'd sure as fuck put me in MY place.

Phase I: Collect Prostitutes

After a chase (the police were trying to bust the prostitutes, who escaped back into Hazzard County), everyone sets off to begin Phase II. Bo realizes that the guys following them can't possibly be Starr's guards, as they're with Starr. Luke's like "Duh DOY! I figured that out ages ago. Idiot."Rosco pulls them over, and they respond by BLOWING UP THE POLICE CAR. I'm pretty sure that's a one way ticket to prison, but they speed off, losing Daisy. Cooter helps them find her via the magic of Citizen's Band Radio! Wow!

Starr and Daisy arrive at the studio, followed shortly by Boss and the Mafia. Boss and Daisy are super surprised to see each other, and he tells her that these Mafiaoso type are really fucking twitchy, so she'd better be able to pull this off. She can't, of course, and he is pretty sure they're fucked. She tries to stall so she won't have to sing, but the prostitutes arrive, with a sweet banner on their RV:

It says "Welcome Syndicate Pirates to Hazzard County" Subtle.

Everyone rushes outside to see, and then Bo and Luke get there, followed by the FBI. Bo blows up the record plant with a dynamite arrow.The FBI doesn't arrest anyone, as there is no longer evidence, and somehow the Dukes don't go to prison for interfering in an FBI raid.

Phase II: Explode Record Plant

Oh, and Jessi Colter, to thank the Dukes for stopping Starr (I would imagine that this is only a temporary setback for him, but whatever)records Daisy's song FOR REAL, YOU GUYS! D'awww!

Phase III: Avoid Prison Somehow

I bet she never got her money back.

Friday, June 7, 2013

Season 1, Episode 1: "One Armed Bandits" -- Originally aired 01-26-1979

In which we are introduced to the Dukes, the law, and brewing illegal alcohol for profit is less objectionable than gambling...

Welcome to Hazzard County, says the narrator (Waylon Jennings, credited here and ever after as The Balladeer.) He introduces us to Luke and Bo Duke (Tom Wopat and John Schneider), who are cousins, and claims that they fight the system.

Luke (left) and Bo Duke.
 All that is gleaned from them at this point is that they tool around in their car and bicker like an old married couple. Luke says Bo drives as well as “my fanny whips apple butter.” So, either really badly, or incredibly well, depending on the culinary skills of said butt. I don’t know that I’d want to eat it, no matter how expertly it was prepared. Sorry, Luke’s ass.
 
I'll pass, thanks.

Cooter (Ben Jones), the Dukes’ friend and the local mechanic, tells the boys that the sheriff is bringing in a load of illegal slot machines. We are then introduced to the Sheriff, Rosco Coltrane (James Best), a veteran lawman who’s up for reelection. He goes into the local watering hole, known as the Boar’s Nest, to see the County Commissioner, Boss Hogg (Sorrell Booke). Boss is eating raw liver and drinking coffee, which is the most revolting food combo I’ve ever heard of (“At least he don’t dunk it,” says the Balladeer. True that, Waylon.)


Next, we meet Uncle Jesse (Denver Pyle) at the Duke farm. A knock on the door reveals a girl named Jill Dodson (Tisch Ray), who’s returned to Hazzard to save her the local orphanage, which is also her childhood home.  Bo gets a huge boner for her and volunteers both Luke and himself to help. Luke’s all like “Fuck you, I don’t care about you or your stupid orphanage.”  Bo points out that two of the kids (AT LEAST!) who live at said orphanage might be the result of Luke’s various one-night stands. Appropriately shamed, Luke agrees to help.


Bo and Luke arrive at the Boar’s Nest, where their cousin Daisy works as a waitress/eye candy. She is sexually harassed by Mr. Belding from Saved By the Bell (seriously!), who has a giant 70’s mustache. Daisy reveals that Mr. Belding is the one that’s arranging for the slot machines to be brought in, on a fertilizer truck, later in the day. The boys decide to hijack the slot machines off the truck (which they seem to think is hilarious), and recruit Cooter and a couple more of their friends to help.
"Hey, hey, hey, HEY, HEY! What is going on here?"

The guys all set up check points at various roads and the first to see the truck will let the others know. This is great plan, except I bet there are more than four roads in Hazzard County. Cooter spots the truck, radios Bo and Luke, who tell Daisy. You don’t know she’s helping until she’s standing in the  middle of the road in a bikini. In November. With a basket full of chitlin sandwiches.” Despite the obvious red flag, the truck drivers fall for this ploy, and Bo and Luke steal the truck.
 
I'm pretty sure I've seen a porn that starts like this.
Bo and Luke hide the slot machines in the chicken coop back at the farm, and Uncle Jesse finds them. He is PISSED.The boys seem surprised that Jesse found the slot machines, even though they did a really shitty job of hiding them; they’re just nestled among the chickens. Maybe they figured he wouldn’t notice, or that they could pass them off as some sort of robot chickens?  
 
"I'll lay my eggs later! I'm on a hot streak!"
Jesse then goes off on this awesome rant about how brewing and selling alcohol illegally was a family tradition, so it was okay. Bo tries to call bullshit on that, but Jesse firmly states that since they paid taxes on the corn, it was fine, but gambling is a vice, and thus cannot be taxed . He tells them to get the slot machines the fuck off his property, saying “I don’t want to see nothing but hind ends and elbows as you boys are loading them there machines onto that there truckcha!” He’s not really saying “truckcha!” which is not a word, but it certainly sounds like what he said. When I first saw this episode with my brother, we thought it was pretty fucking hilarious, and so, to this day, we will occasionally yell “TRUCKCHA!” at each other. It wasn’t until I bought the DVD set of the first season that I found out Jesse is actually saying “truck yonder.” Not nearly as cool or memorable.

TRUCKCHA!
Luke says that he's tired of always having to get Bo out of trouble, and Bo, rather than trying to help, waits for Luke to come up with a solution yet again. This is why Luke was the cooler cousin; he got shit done. Luke convinces Jesse to let them donate the slots to charity.They do so, taking 30% of the profits brought in. Bo takes that money and gives it to Jill at the orphanage. Jill asks where all the money is coming from and why the fuck it’s all in quarters, and he says it's coming from an anonymous source.


Rosco takes the two truck drivers from earlier on a stakeout at the Boar's Nest where they confirm Daisy was the woman in the bikini. Rosco tries to arrest her. She kicks him in the butt and steals his car, driving around the parking lot instead of leaving, like any sane person would do. Rosco commandeers a truck in the parking lot and gives chase, eventually crashing into the police car. The only black guy we know of in Hazzard County is hanging out in the back of this truck and cuts loose a piano that's in there, just to cause trouble, I guess? It doesn't do anything except make a mess. Daisy is finally arrested after trying to run the Indy 500 in a barbecue joint’s parking lot. Bo and Luke get her out with the help of a blowup doll, and Uncle Jesse in drag, and they are somehow not all arrested for breaking a prisoner out of jail.

"I'm every woman, it's all in meeee!"
The boys let slip to Enos that they're going to pick up some broken slot machines for repairs. The General Lee jumps over some stuff, the cops continue to chase them, until they are led to a stop at the orphanage. It turns out that Bo and Luke had been donating that 30% to the orphanage fund in Rosco's name, and there's a big party to thank him. All this goodwill helps Rosco get reelected, and the Dukes are unsung heroes.
Boss Hogg looks so upset!
That’s the first episode, folks! Hope you enjoyed it. I’ll be back again next Friday for episode two!

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Never Meanin' No Harm

I've been a Dukes of Hazzard fan since I was thirteen. I was off on summer vacation and my cousin told me about this old show that TNN was running, and, looking up to him as I did, I checked it out. It was unfortunately when the station was running some of the early Coy and Vance episodes (we'll get to that later), but I more or less liked what I saw. It had everything a  teenage boy could want: cool car chases, broad slapstick, and a girl in skimpy shorts. I was hooked.


This is all your fault.

Over the next five years, I ate up everything Dukes related, scouring the nascent Internet for any and all information I could find about the cast, the characters, but especially the car. You know the one, the 1969 Dodge Charger known as the General Lee.

Still my dream car.


I even went through a period of months where I carried a printed out photo of Daisy Duke in my wallet, which, fifteen years out, is super sad and dorky.

It was this photo. I never said I was cool.

 This continued through high school, even leading me to take some classes I never would have normally, like Auto Shop. I was going to own that car one  day, and I needed to know how to work on the thing.

Things cooled for me when, through a series of events, I was told that I could not get a driver's license, and would likely never be able to get one (fourteen years and counting since then).

No soup for you!

Anyhow, I moved on to other things, but the show never truly left my radar. I was super excited to meet Catherine Bach in 2005, and John Schneider in 2009. But I haven't watched the show in a very long time, which leads me to where we are now. Inspired by the great things being done over at Full House Reviewed, I decided to rewatch the show starting from the very beginning to see if it holds up. Hopefully someone will read along as I find out.