Boss Hogg and his wife Lulu are at the dealership of Ace Parker, the only used car salesman in Hazzard County, to claim a Rolls-Royce car (it appears to be a Phantom V) for Lulu's upcoming birthday, only to find that Ace has just sold it out from under them. Bo an Luke are driving by and stop, spotting a car that Ricard Petty used, and wrecked, while filming a series of tire commercials. They open the hood to find that it has a super fancy engine in it, and decide to buy it to put in their car to win an upcoming race.
|I'm pretty sure this is just a painted over General Lee.|
Inside, the Hoggs demand that Ace get them the car back, and we find out that Lulu made Boss give Rosco the position of Sheriff so he would "have a safe job." Now, I could be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure that there are far safer jobs than police officer, no matter how small the town. Anyway, Ace demands $700, and Luke counters with $200. Ace agrees to the $200 if the boys will go repossess the Rolls. They leave, and Ace meets Boss outside, who gives him car titles to go with the cars on Ace's lot, which are stolen. He mentions he will need a registration for the car he just sold the Dukes, and Boss tells him that since the car doesn't have a title, it's pretty much considered stolen. He an Ace share a laugh over the boys breaking their probation. AGAIN.
Rosco is reluctant to slap trumped up charges against the boys, and Boss makes another reference to Rosco's punishment for disobeying (he first made it in Episode 2, I think): being "the night rent-a-cop at the drive-in deli on Frontage Road." So far as I can tell, there is no trace of such a place on Frontage Road in 2013-era Atlanta. There IS, however, a place called Dinette World. They sell furniture.
|And bar stools!|
Bo and Luke are dropped off where the car is at, and make to put the repossession papers on the front door, when it's revealed that the people who bought the car are counterfeiters, and they unleash a HUGE FUCKING DOG.The boys escape, and go back to exact revenge on Ace Parker. Bo shoots out the tires of the car Ace has locked himself into, while Luke threatens to cut the car in half with a chainsaw. He offers to sell them the car for $200 as a way to make it up to them.They come pick it up, and Ace lets Boss know, who tells Rosco to get ready to bust the Dukes, and yells at him about using CB lingo yet again.
|Hail to the King, baby!|
Enos has even more misgivings about the phony charges, and Rosco bitches about his pension, yet again. At this point I feel like I should mention that this episode feels like a pilot episode: We were introduced to the Dukes again (I believe the Balladeer's introducing the Duke boys was recycled from the real pilot), and everything seems to be, to Daisy and Jesse, and everything seems very fresh. I wonder if this was filmed first as the intended pilot but was held over, thinking that One Armed Bandits was stronger? It isn't. Non-entity counterfeiters aside, this is a much better paced episode.
The boys realize that are being chased for no reason, as they paid for the car, and stop, where Rosco proceeds to bust them, despite Cooter (who was riding with them) calling shenanigans on the whole deal. Luke says they have the right to a lawyer, and that Uncle Jesse will do in a pinch. If they had let the Miranda reading continue, they would have learned they have a right to a free lawyer, but hey, if they want their uncle to do it, go ahead.
Jesse advises them against going to trial on account of every judge being in Boss' pocket, and that getting a jury would be suicide, as the jury is likely to be made up of the parents of every girl the boys have been pussy-hounding after since they realized their dicks were for more than pissing with, and would likely convict them. Boss meets up with the Dukes in the town square, and says he will convince Ace to drop the charges if they will get back the Rolls.
Hey! The counterfeiters are back! They remain convinced that Bo and Luke are after their car, set an alarm in their garage, and shoot a barrel of water before being quickly shuffled offscreen again.
|Take THAT, barrel!|
Back at the farm, Daisy is hanging laundry in the kitchen, and Enos shows up, looking to tell Jesse about the frame-up. She tries to get him to tell her, but he is reluctant, as it is "man-talk," and she's just a girl! Why she'd die of fright if she ever heard anything even remotely unpleasant! I declare! She flashes what I assume are her panties at him, and he spills his guts, that the car isn't being repossessed for Ace, but for Boss to give to LuLu, and that Rosco is framing them. Later, Daisy tells Bo and Luke the details. Luke's all like "well, we can't beat this without help. Let's ask Cooter!"
They find Cooter at the junkyard, crushing cars into cubes. I thought he was just a mechanic, but maybe he does this as a hobby in his spare time. They borrow his welding rig and proceed to weld some giant spikes to the side of a truck, which is all part of their usual plan of "cause untold amounts of collateral damage to prove a point/save our asses." They also grab one of their dogs, who is in heat.
After arriving at the counterfeiter's place and wafting their dog's vagina in the breeze, the counterfeiter's dog comes running and goes off to mate with her, leaving Luke and Cooter to cut through the fence unharmed. Meanwhile, one of the counterfeiters, who, at the 33-minute mark, finally gets a name (Big John), and hides the counterfeit bill plates inside the Rolls. After he leaves, Luke and Cooter take the car, setting the alarm off, alerting the crooks, who give chase. Big John gets to the gate and, seeing Bo has locked it, solves his problem the way he solves them all: with a rifle.
Bo uses the spikey truck to rip one of the counterfeiter's cars to pieces while he's driving it. I know that Jesse said that Dukes revenge on property, not people, but couldn't Bo easily kill this guy, even accidentally? Remember, Bo, it's all fun and games until someone gets a spike through the chest! Big John makes to fire his rifle, but Bo swerves into him, causing him to fall out of the car and roll downhill. He doesn't die, but he COULD have!
|Even more than Spider-Man?|
Bo and Luke, satisfied with their destruction, go to take the car back to Cooter, where Rosco and Enos bust them for transporting the Rolls without papers. Bo and Luke say that a dog ate them, and even Enos is like "That's fucking ridiculous!" Bo and Luke swear by it, and then Rosco and Enos leave.
So, they walk back to the farm, and Luke tells Uncle Jesse the plot of the episode up to this point and makes me die inside, as I could have just started my review right here. He does refer to the counterfeiters as "nine foot giant and friends," which is pretty great. Uncle Jesse asks if the boys feel like fighting dirty, which apparently different than their Collateral Damage Plan.
The next morning, everyone but Daisy meets up at the car dealership: Boss and Lulu to pick up the Rolls, the Dukes are there to watch, and the counterfeiters to get their car back, as it has the plates. The Dukes leave as Ace open the door, to reveal all his cars have been crushed into cubes, including the Rolls. Lulu demands Boss get her a new one, and Rosco sees the remains of the plates in the Rolls cube, and gives the crooks 30 minutes to leave Hazzard, or he'll call the FBI. I'm hoping that on their way back to wherever, the counterfeiters were busted by McQuade and Goon (see Episode 3), who I've decided were actually undercover cops.