We open with Bo and Luke practicing archery in the Dukes' backyard. Jesse makes a cryptic remark about wild boars maybe being in the backyard, when Daisy comes flying out of the house, hollering about a song she wrote! Being sung by Jessi Colter! On the radio!
Everyone pretends to be impressed, then Bo asks how much they paid her. Daisy asks what he means, and Luke explains to her about royalties. Daisy then informs him that she found an ad in a magazine offering to publish a song for $50. Bo tells her that magazines sometimes run ads for fraudulent operations. Uncle Jesse thinks Daisy's been fucked over, and sends the kids to Atlanta to either get a royalty check or the $50 back. He tells them to go easy on the folks in the big city, as they don't know any better. I see what you did there, Uncle Jesse, you old rascal!
|Daisy has as lifetime subscription.|
Upon arrival, they are observed by a couple of FBI agents staking out the building. Bo and Luke make Daisy wait in the damn car, despite this really being her fight. They are let in to the back, and are introduced to Lester Starr, and his assistant/bodyguard JoJo. The boys explain the situation, but Starr isn't willing to give them anything. JoJo brandishes guns at Bo and Luke, and they head outside. They quickly decide to go back in, as Uncle Jesse will be furious if they don't complete the mission.
|I have two guns, one for each of ya.|
They try to sneak in, but Bo steps on something and alerts JoJo to their presence. He chases after them and walks in on Starr's secretary sitting in Boss Hogg's lap. This is gross for many reasons, but he's gotta be old enough to be her father. Ew.
|Boss Hogg: Pervert.|
Bo then punches the bodyguard out, taking the guy's guns, and he and Luke confront Starr. They again ask for the money back, and he again seems reluctant, probably because Luke is waving guns at him. JoJo bursts in and says the cops are raiding the joint.There is a series of madcap dashes to get out of the building, but eventually everyone escapes. Starr hides in the garbage, because he IS garbage. This is the first time we get to see Luke's famous hood slide, and it's clearly an accident. He looks very startled.
|HEY, MOTHERFUCKER WHEEEE!|
Bo smashes the General Lee through a police car blocking the path, and no one goes after them! Is everyone just awed by the coolness of the car or the hotness of Daisy or something? I don't understand how they're not in jail for reckless driving. One of the FBI agents laments that the Dukes are carrying evidence they need.
Boss Hogg narrowly escapes being caught (again, were cops just not so bright back then? "Aw hell, he turned down that side street! But we're already going down THIS street! I guess he's getting away, as we are apparently driving the goddamn Flintstones car and cannot possibly turn left!"), and licks his wounds at the Boar's Nest. He mentions that he doesn't want something like the raid to happen at the record pressing plant he's set up in Hazzard, and that he's hoping to use it to get in good with some Mafia-types.
|Apparently the Atlanta PD's choice of transport in the late 1970s.|
Back at the farm, the kids play the tape they ran off with for Uncle Jesse, who theorizes that it's probably stolen, and Luke makes the first reference to piracy, saying that you read about it all the time! What the fuck magazines do these people subscribe to?
|I'm sure it was all the rage with the kids!|
Bo suggests they go talk to Jessi Colter about it, as she will be in Atlanta that week. How he knows this is a mystery to me. Maybe he read it in one of the family's oddly specific magazines?
|I'm cold and frightened.|
Anyhow, they go to see Ms. Colter's manager, who informs them that Jessi never recorded the song, and that Lester Starr passes off sound-alike artists as the real deal. He then says that no one's ever caught him in the acts, and suggests the Dukes help, telling them where Starr going to be.
The boys decide to pass Daisy off as a superb sound-alike artist and take her to Starr's apartment. She goes up and he jizzes in his pants.
She says she has a trick voice and can sound like a whole bunch of people, and plays the tape she brought from the manager guy. He is floored that she can sound like so many different artists (Jessi Colter, Loretta Lynn, and Donna Fargo, respectively), although they all sound pretty similar to me, in that 70s country sort of way.He immediately agrees to set up a recording session, and Daisy gets out before anything untoward happens.
Starr fills Boss in on the deal, and agrees to get Daisy to the record plant so Boss can hear her himself. Meanwhile, the FBI agents are tailing the Dukes, but they think that the agents are Starr's people. They lead the agents through a junkyard (maybe it's the same junkyard from the pilot, I don't really know, but how many places to put garbage does one rural area need?). where they quickly lose them.
Bo and Luke decide the only way to settle this once and for all is to blow up the record plant, which seems like quite a drastic reaction over the matter of $50, but maybe it's me. Boss tells Rosco to keep the law away when the Mafia is in town, and he nervously agrees. Turns out the FBI are in town getting things square about the raid, and tell Rosco that the Duke boys are involved with the piracy ring. Rosco tells Boss, who tells him to nail the Dukes if he sees them.
Next morning, Jesse tells them to make sure everyone's out of the plant before they blow it up, because blowing up property is A-OK, just as long as no one gets hurt! Bo and Luke head off for Phase I of the plan, leaving Daisy and Uncle Jesse to have a very nice little moment where he tells her how great her family thinks she is even if no one else thinks so.
|It's actually very sweet.|
Phase I consists of getting a motorhome full of prostitutes (run by Miss Mabel, the Mobile Madam! Alliteration FTW!) to provide distraction for Phase II, and there's a great exchange between Luke and one of his exes, who is now working as one of Mabel's girls:
LUKE: Ruby, what in the world are you doing working here?
RUBY: Honey, after goin' with you, this was a step up in the world.
She storms off.
LUKE: Still bitter, huh?
That'd sure as fuck put me in MY place.
|Phase I: Collect Prostitutes|
After a chase (the police were trying to bust the prostitutes, who escaped back into Hazzard County), everyone sets off to begin Phase II. Bo realizes that the guys following them can't possibly be Starr's guards, as they're with Starr. Luke's like "Duh DOY! I figured that out ages ago. Idiot."Rosco pulls them over, and they respond by BLOWING UP THE POLICE CAR. I'm pretty sure that's a one way ticket to prison, but they speed off, losing Daisy. Cooter helps them find her via the magic of Citizen's Band Radio! Wow!
Starr and Daisy arrive at the studio, followed shortly by Boss and the Mafia. Boss and Daisy are super surprised to see each other, and he tells her that these Mafiaoso type are really fucking twitchy, so she'd better be able to pull this off. She can't, of course, and he is pretty sure they're fucked. She tries to stall so she won't have to sing, but the prostitutes arrive, with a sweet banner on their RV:
|It says "Welcome Syndicate Pirates to Hazzard County" Subtle.|
Everyone rushes outside to see, and then Bo and Luke get there, followed by the FBI. Bo blows up the record plant with a dynamite arrow.The FBI doesn't arrest anyone, as there is no longer evidence, and somehow the Dukes don't go to prison for interfering in an FBI raid.
|Phase II: Explode Record Plant|
Oh, and Jessi Colter, to thank the Dukes for stopping Starr (I would imagine that this is only a temporary setback for him, but whatever)records Daisy's song FOR REAL, YOU GUYS! D'awww!
|Phase III: Avoid Prison Somehow|
I bet she never got her money back.